IC CONTACT | Mask or Menace

[animated]

"Hey, you've reached Charlie Maxwell. Leave me a message. Or just text me. I might get back to you faster that way."

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[stealwithit]

[ There's a long silence on her end.

Kasumi has lived for a long while only having to think about things affect her that doing otherwise--even while she was on the Normandy crew--was a bit of a struggle. And while she's not entirely oblivious to the fact that what she does hurts her relationships, it's hearing it come straight from Charlie that really gets her to stop and think.

In the end, it's all she can really do to apologize, hanging her head low still. ]

... I'm sorry, Charlie. I really care about you too, but I...

[ I don't know what I should do. ]

[animated]

Believe me, Kasumi, I understand. You’re not the only person who’s ever lost someone.

The first boy I ever loved got caught in bed with another boy by his parents, and he vanished. The community went wild with gossip, and the one phrase I heard more than anything was “he’s been dealt with”. It’s been nearly sixty years and I still have no idea what happened to him. I was devastated. It felt like there was a piece of me missing, and no matter what I did I would never be whole again. Just thinking about him hurt, like a physical ache.

Two decades after he was gone, I finally ran away from home. I appealed to the shifter population in Denver for help getting a place to live and a job- that’s kind of their specialty, and I didn’t have enough money to do anything on my own. They set me up in an apartment, with an agreement that once I got on my feet I would repay them for the first few months of rent, and arranged a job in a little used bookstore within walking distance.

The guy who owned the place was ancient and white-haired and he could be a real bear sometimes- and I do mean that literally, considering he was a shifter as well. But he cared about the people that walked in the store. Apparently he was the only one willing to take me on.

I didn’t show up to work for weeks, and I think he was willing to give me some space, knowing what I had been through to get there. I spent my days holed up in my apartment in the dark, avoiding the world. They couldn’t hurt me if I avoided them. The people I loved would stop disappearing or deciding I wasn’t good enough if I never bothered to get to know anyone. I hated life. I hated the world. I thought I was better off alone.

And then one day my boss charmed the landlady into letting him into my apartment- it was the seventies, that probably wouldn’t have worked these days. I was furious with him. Just what did he think he was doing, invading my privacy like that? Couldn’t he tell I should wanted to be alone?

Then he grabbed me by the shoulders, looked me in the eye, and said, “Charles, you can’t hide from life every time it hurts you. If you let yourself sit here and suffer in the dark, the people you’ve lost suffer with you. There’s so much joy to be found out there. Let your friendships shield you when the world bares its fangs, and you’ll find that you don’t suffer half as much when you’re hand in hand with the people you love.”

In the face of that incredible kindness, all I could say was that I didn’t have any friends. And you know what he said?

[ He tucks a hand under Kasumi’s chin, lifting her gaze up to meet his. ]

He said, “Well, you’ve got me.”

gdi charlie stop making her cry

[stealwithit]

[ Kasumi stays silent through his words, listening, watching him speak with such a strength that she finds she really, really admires. Because the story he tells isn't in the least bit a happy one; Kasumi still trembles at the thought of talking about Keiji to anyone. She bites down on her lip as he goes on, her brow creasing in sympathy, and by the end of it tears are welling up in her eyes.

Because Charlie has been through so much--he's been alive three times as long as she has been, even--and she's been so caught up in her own affairs, in her own memories of times that she'll never be able to return to that she couldn't see what she'd put him through, that she'd made herself a ghost to him when she hadn't meant to become anyone's ghost.

A ghost is what Keiji is to her, by now; no matter how much she wishes for it to be otherwise, memories of him only remind her more and more that he's gone. That there won't be any more memories going into his graybox, no more opportunities for that.

And it isn't right for her to rob Charlie and the others, to rob herself that opportunity when she's alive. ]

Charlie--

[ And that's all she manages to get out before her voice is choked out by a sob, and she raises a hand to cover her mouth as another one escapes. And then another. And probably, another, until she finally manages to breathe out a thank you in between. ]

oops sorry

[animated]

It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you.

[ He wraps his arms around her shoulders and draws her close. This isn’t the first time she cried all over him, and as much as he wishes, it’s unlikely this will be the last. He’ll hold her for as long as she needs. ]

[stealwithit]

[ it's all at once liberating yet perplexing how easily Kasumi can bare her emotions when it's Charlie. She couldn't even bring herself to really cry in front of Shepard the first time she went into Keiji's graybox.

Luckily it's only a few short moments of quietly crying against Charlie's shoulder before she manages to calm herself down, at which point, she tries her very hardest to be chipper playful Kasumi. ]

--Just, don't tell anyone how much I've cried in front of you, okay?

[animated]

[ He smiles, though his own eyes are wet with tears. ]

What are you talking about? I've never seen you cry.

[stealwithit]

[ When she looks up and sees the tears brimming in his eyes, she reaches up, cupping his cheeks with her hands, her own lips trembling because she doesn't want to break again, not when Charlie could use someone to lean on, too. ]

This is why you're literally the best.

[ She brushes her thumb against his cheek. ]

Thank you, so much. And I'm sorry. For everything.

[animated]

It's okay, really. I know what you're going through. I just wanted you to know you don't have to do it alone.

[stealwithit]

[ She nods. ]

I know. I... I know, it's just... Back home, Charlie, no one knew I existed. No one's supposed to know I exist, or something bad could happen.

[ Like the batarians waging war on the Alliance. ]

[animated]

I know, hon.

But right now the worst thing that happens from my knowing you is that the beer in my fridge keeps mysteriously vanishing.

[stealwithit]

[ That gets a little chuckle out of her, but then... ]

Or blood all over your carpet.

[animated]

That was a one-time thing. Why else do you think I joined Archangel?

[stealwithit]

Charlie--

[ Her hands drop from his face to his shoulders. ]

You know this is going to be really dangerous. And a lot more sneaking around... Steve--he's switching things up a little bit.

[animated]

I'm aware. I'm not going to be an active member. I'm joining in a support role.

I'm going to enchant the shit out of your hideout.

[stealwithit]

[ Okay, now that gets him a real laugh now. ]

You're going to enchant the shit out of my hideout.

I love it. And I love you, for doing that.

[ So hi, have a Kasumi hug. ]

[animated]

[ He's going to hug her right back. One of those big, squeezy hugs where he lifts her off the ground a little ]

God dammit, I missed you.

[stealwithit]

[ She nuzzles his shoulder a little when he embraces her and lifts her up.

They are pretty much dating. ]

I missed you and your stupidly pretty face so much, too.

[animated]

[ He grins and bats his eyes ]

You think I'm pretty?

[stealwithit]

[ She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. ]

Uh, yeah. Prettier than Cap, even.

[animated]

Speaking of, I am very disappointed that you didn't introduce me to your extremely attractive friend.

[stealwithit]

Well, maybe I wanted to keep him to myself, Charlie.

[animated]

How rude. Don't you know that friends are supposed to share?

[stealwithit]

Okay, but now that you've seen him in person, you kinda get why I wanted to keep him a little secret, right?

[animated]

Oh yeah, I totally get it.

[stealwithit]

I mean. You should see him when he's training... hmm.